


Everyone is doing it so I wanted to do it too [Kankri circlejerk]

by ChucTingle



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Narrative transgresion, Other, We fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 03:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21229124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChucTingle/pseuds/ChucTingle
Summary: Two of my friends made pieces about talking to characters, so I decided to make mine. And Dirk was there too.





	Everyone is doing it so I wanted to do it too [Kankri circlejerk]

Kankri.

Kankri.  
Kankri.  
Kankri

Kankri.

KANNY.

C9uld y9u n9t d9 this? C9uld y9u n9t call me that name, I have already decided t9 disregard y9ur presence fr9m the get g9, and y9u g9 ahead and push my 6utt9ns t9 try t9 get a reacti9n. C9ngratulati9ns, y9u g9t 9ne. Y9u’re lucky this isn’t a real trigger, 9r y9u w9uld 6e in tr9u6le. My 9utrage w9uld have 6een extremely justified. Y9u sh9uld 6e ashamed this is n9t the way s9me9ne 9f y9ur cali6er sh9uld act, what d9es that say a69ut y9ur pe9ple? Ever th9ught a69ut that?  
#triggers #nickname misuses #anger #here we g9 #metanarrative #6s

Right. You are doing that thing where you throw it right back at me, okay.

What c9uld y9u p9ssi6ly want? This isn’t f9r y9ur little pr96lematic dispute 9f an anth9l9gy right? S9 why is it that y9u insist 9n this c9nversati9n? Besides p9king me until I react t9 y9ur wims like s9me s9rt 9f h9ney6east in a cage.  
#6ears #pr96lematic #animal a6use

OKAY OKAY, I’M SORRY. Is that what you wanted to hear?

It c9uld 6e, y9u’re in n9 r99m t9 assume what I want t9 hear 9r n9t. C9nsidering the circumstances it w9uld put y9u in a w9rse light that y9u started t9 push y9ur th9ughts int9 my actual reality. I will let it slide, I kn9w y9ur type can 6e rather rev9lting. S9 this 6ehavi9r is t9 6e expected 9f y9u, yet n9t accepta6le. As a matter 9f fact it is a little insulting that y9u w9uld c9nsider a simple capitalized ap9l9gy what I w9uld like t9 hear.  
#At least try t9 write m9re than a sentence at 9nce

Imma be real with you chief. I just wanted to talk to you, person to troll? Nothing more really, there isn’t an ulterior motive, I think.

That’s dehumanizing at 6est, and xen9ph96ic at w9rse. N9t 9nly did y9u purp9sely steal w9rks fr9m Cr9nus Amp9ra 9f all pe9ple. Y9u tried t9 give me a 9ne sentence lecture.Y9ur attempts are inclusivity are lackluster and 9utdated, y9u can d9 6etter. And I sh9uldn’t 6e the 9ne t9 teach y9u, 6ut I will 6e the 9ne t9 preach y9u in such way that y9u can understand. Pers9n t9 tr9ll makes it s9und like we are c9mpletely different and y9u’re putting me in an entire different categ9ry t9 make y9ur p9int. Making me s9und like s9me 6rutal Alternian junkie that y9u gr9upies are s9 used t9.  
#TW: Cr9nus Amp9ra #cr9nus menti9n #cultural appr9priati9n #speech appr9priati9n #D9esn’t c9unt 6ut #seadweller appr9priati9n

What, was I supposed to say then!? Being to being!?

If there is anything y9u can learn a69ut this c9nversati9n, that may 9r may n9t 6e happening, is y9u needing t9 start talking 9n the c9rrect level 9f sympathy 6ef9re y9u request mine 9r the ackn9wledgement 9f 9thers. D9 y9u rem9tely understand that y9u’re an stranger suddenly p9king in s9me9ne else’s mind space f9r pathetic attenti9n like s9me s9rt 9f desperate child wh9 was never given any? Excuse my extra judgement, 6ut even y9u kn9w I’m all9wed t9 say n9 t9 this exchange and call my 69undaries. And I w9uldn’t 6e in the wr9ng f9r d9ing s9, imagine if s9me9ne called y9u 6y y9ur deadname t9 have y9ur attenti9n, that’s h9w it w9uld feel.  
#deadnaming #transph96ia #sympathy request #s9me9ne has issues

So are you calling it quits?

N9. Y9u g9aded me here f9r talking, s9 we are talking n9w. Imp9rtant 9r n9t I rather get it 9ut 9f the way 6ef9re this turns int9 s9me repeated situati9n in which I have t9 c9nstantly sh9ve y9u away.

This might the third w9rse appr9ach I’ve seen t9 talking t9 me, 6ut unlike the 9ther tw9 y9u seem t9 6e 6ehaving and learning at the very least. I d9 appreciate the level 9f attenti9n y9u are putting t9 this c9nversati9n, as pr96lematic y9u have 6een 6ehaving and as distur6ingly malf9rmed y9ur acti9ns have 6een. But I d9n’t want t9 derail the dial9gue y9u initiated any further. I c9nsider this a way t9 the 6etter, since y9u wanted t9 talk t9 me and that is what we are d9ing right n9w. Just tw9 men 9n a fruitful interacti9n t9 6ehave as it is pr9per f9r the 6etterment 9f every9ne. Specially f9r the 6etterment 9f the like 9f y9u, n9t that I w9uld preach 9r cast judgement where it is unrequited, 6ut this is n9t the case. I’m just 96jectively reminding y9u 9f y9ur failure t9 engage.

T9 say the least, this has 6een quite riveting. I put the questi9n f9rth f9r y9ur c9nsumpti9n and t9 9pen t9 c9nversati9n t9 m9re angles rather than this 9ne single 9verused piv9t that has 6een the last few minutes. What d9 y9u want 9ut 9f this? What is the thesis 9f this c9nversati9n? Unless all y9u wanted was 6rainless chatter, in which I will 6e glad t9 fill the air with m9re imp9rtant t9pics that c9uld cleanse the hyp9thetical palette 9f this exchange. Like Bef9ran 9ppressi9n 9r h9w using aut9c9rrect d9esn’t clear y9u 9f the resp9nsi6ility 9f learning h9w t9 write. Tw9 very 6anal and surface level examples that require depenning, 6ut I w9uld 6e glad t9 d9 it, if it is t9 6ring light t9 imp9rtant nuanced t9pics.If y9u d9 require m9re 9pti9ns, I’m willing t9 6ring m9re with the detail that they deserve 6ecause s9 far everything has 6een s9aked with a layer 9f relaxati9n that I w9uld rather dr9p when we actually get t9 de6ate.  
#96jective #we have real issues t9 deal with

I think, I don’t know.

Y9u d9n’t kn9w why y9u started pestering me?  
#what

No, no, is not that. I did start this conversation with the idea of talking to you. Like, maybe just hang around, maybe just figure out why you have been bringing me headaches whenever I happen to think of you. I was trying to get my shit together for this conversation, you know?  
Because I like you and I think you are important. While also putting on the line why do I think you can be better! Why have I’ve been using you as the avatar of my discontent. But I think... I figured it out.

First 9f all, let me dec9nstruct this 9ne 6y 9ne. Y9u wanting t9 talk t9 me, we already g9 in t9 that and agreed it is fine that y9u are seeking my advice. Sec9nd, I 6ring y9u headaches? I d9 find that insulting. H9wever this isn’t new 9r s9mething I haven’t heard 6ef9re, s9 I will let it slide f9r the sake 9f 6revity, and m9ving t9 the next item 9n the list. Y9ur insidi9us expectati9ns 9f my pers9na, as if I were a t9ddler t9 deliver s9mething f9r y9u 9r a puppet with9ut meaning 9r master. I’m n9t. I’m a tr9ll with an identity and an independent thinking that values his 9wn expectati9ns f9r himself, and n9t s9me s9rt 9f stranger putting his xen9ph96ic ideals 9nt9I WASN’T FINISHED.

That’s exactly it!

#interrupti9ns #excuse me #headache menti9n

I was so concerned about what I thought about you, I was forcing you to be more like, more of a morally righteous person because I saw that you could have more rights than wrongs. And I started to hate when people posted bad possibilities about you because it was in a way saying I could be just as awful. Because I was afraid of being judged. Why would I like someone who can’t be good? Because my other favorite, Eridan, at least had some legs to stand on. So I tried to make you more ‘good’ and appealing and write you with more moral takes while knowing that wasn’t you.

I went and reread some of my earlier pieces about you, and realised how… how different you were then, you were so raw and wrong I used to write you as. Somewhere along the road I tried to make you morally correct, ambiguous, killing your nuance for the sake of having ideals that weren’t twisted. But that wasn’t fun. Where did I lose that? It was then I realised the reason I liked you in the first place. It isn’t because you could be correct or even because you can be a paragon of goodness, it’s because you could be wrong.

I liked you because, yes, between all your bullshit you can be right, between all your spatter of words you actually have something to say about something, but also because you can literally say whatever the fuck you want without sounding insulting or with people having to unravel all of your thesaurus level speeches to figure it out. Because you sneakily put your distaste of things on the front but your fake politeness right next to it.

You, Kankri Vantas, could say whatever you wanted whenever you felt like it as long as it was worded nicely enough. That at the time you were perfect to hide all my unhappiness with the world. To be able to scream to the heavens and make all of the awful jokes that make people uncomfortable but I have the right to say. 

My white friends always got uncomfortable whenever I make white jokes, with you I could say them in a somewhat serious fashion and everyone would say, oh it’s Kankri of course he is. My heterosexual friends got uncomfortable at my gay jokes so it ended in the same result. You became the avatar of my displeasure, with your words we made everyone regret they ever encountered us. I made it so at the end of the day I could express however I want without the capacity to fear of judgement. Because it was just Kankri, and of course he would say something like that.

And exactly that is what I love about you, how we could touch this controversial topics, so be poverty, biases and the literal uses of investigation tools from a racist perspective to create piles of words that were unfiltered and be protected by your own existence as an strawman.

I could say how much I loved poverty meals, which is the literal name of a Peruvian dish, without anyone looking at me weird because it sounds like a classist implications, I could say my skin was normal colored as a joke because Kankri would always pipe up and say. “Are you implying this color isn’t normal? Which color isn’t normal now?” I-You would put people in chokeholds, it would be impossible for anybody to win a stupid argument made with fallacies and factoids. You could run around people with words and empty statements, the pretence of objective situations for the sake of winning. Reckless brutality on the shape of paragraphs. 

You’re every single little evil thing that I would have wanted to do in an argument. Manipulative, careless, relentless, unforgiving. Doing this to people while putting myself on an stupid soapbox labeled with righteous fury. You’re also every single good thing that I attempt when I try to educate people on topics, because I know that there is a lot to spar abou when it comes to online level discussion. You turned the fair sparring into a battlefield, a rigorous war of words in which you always came the victor because you started winning and wouldn’t back down. There are no rules with how you talk besides the superficial attempt at politeness. You’re the worst, the idea that you came to a conversation already winning and unwilling to listen to the others point without miscontructinng the truth. And the best, the willingness to do whatever it takes to defend your values with obsidian and steel.

That is you, Kankri Vantas, that is what I see in you, you hold more wrong than right but that is why I love you.  
#assumpti9ns #96jectificati9n #xen9ph96ia #id9latry #c9mpliments #digs #6urns #9uch #s9ap69xing

…

Kankri?

Did I scare you away? Well I mean, yeah, sounds about right.

I did end up writing more than you in one sitting, and I don’t know what that says about me.

It says, y9u’re a man that enj9ys mansplaining t9 9thers and the s9und 9f y9ur 9wn v9ice is rather enthizing t9 y9urself. Y9u remind me 9f a c9uple 9f certain pe9ple that w9uld 6e up y9ur alley than me.

Bef9re y9u ask, I was trying t9 add triggers where I didn’t all 9ver the c9nversati9n and particularly t9 y9ur gigantic s9lil9quy 9ver there. I d9 admit, that it flatters me that y9u put me in such a petesdal, even if that 9n itself is pr96lematic. I’m just a tr9ll am9ng 9thers, id9lizing me in such a way just makes me m9re unreal. N9t t9 menti9n the deeply tr9u6les9me use 9f my pers9na as y9ur shield. I fail t9 understand the necessity 9f using me, as an 96ject, t9 pr9tect y9ur 9wn th9ughts.  
#projection #triggers #hauling ass #mansplaining

N9t t9 menti9n, the m9rally wr9ng usage 9fHEY.

The girls are fighting! Are you both done yet? Is this the indicated time where I can break into this prose? Not that I care for your timing, if that was true I wouldn’t be here at all.

#fuck y9u 69th

Yeah I kind of changed the story midway, sorry about that.

Silence, Kankri stan.

>:O

What’re y9u d9ing here, 6artender?

Woah, did you just assume my job? I’m so offended and triggered and- Whatever. Bartender tho, seriously? Of all the things you could have used as an insult you could have at least picked something that was actually offensive.

I was just trying t9 figure 9ut which versi9n 9f y9u that I kn9w I was talking t9, I’m surprised y9u didn’t figured that 9ne 9ut. Then again, I have t9 ap9l9gize f9r assuming 9f y9ur kn9wledge, I will 6e aware 9f n9t 9verestimating y9u ever again.  
#idi9t #9verly eager interrupting c9ndescending #TW: Dirk Strider

Spicy aren’t we? Maybe you should stop explaining your thoughts in tags. We all can see them and they aren’t really tags. At least come and explain it face to face. I just didn’t sit through 800 words of someone sucking your dick to not reach any sort of climax.

The ram6lings 9f a mad man d9es n9t represent h9w I 6ehave 9r what I d9.  
#96scene #nsfw #crazy as insult 

And yet he managed to paint you in a better light than what you are. Check yourself before you erect yourself. This thing is titled “Kankri Circlejerk” for fucks sake. This isn’t a circle jerk. This is one person offering a good blowjob and you running away because your dick is small.

You’re far too intimidating for me to tackle. I’m gonna kinda shut this whole thing down.

Thanks, let me be in here for 300 words and so you can tag me up as some sort of promotional material.

Kinda… I just think I write you out of character, you know?

You can’t destroy my character. A pleasure only reserved for me, but I don’t blame you, I’m far too important to be taken lightly. 

Yeah.  
:)

What is the punchline to the joke that can be seen coming from a mile away?

You’re still transphobic.

He is what?

He misgenders people on purpose. Even if they are his friends and after he has been explained why that is wrong.

… Bitch no.

I W9ULD LET Y9U SPACE T9 DEFEND Y9URSELF 6UT AS S9ME9NE WITH S9ME LEVEL 9F AWARENESS AND QUICK FACT CHECKING SKILLS, I WILL CAPITALIZE 9N THIS. IT HAS BEEN P9INTED 9UT AND SH9WN WITH EVIDENCE 9F YOUR TRANSPH96IC TENDENCIES, SPECIALLY IN A NARRATIVE C9NTEXT, THEREF9RE I WILL HAVE Y9U CANCELED.

:)

Dude.

There are n9 exits in the appliance 9f y9ur shame. Even if y9u have narrative c9ntr9l, I KN9W Y9U. And I will let y9u kn9w in each iterati9n 9f me that kn9ws y9u h9w wr9ng y9u are until y9u change y9ur ways. 6ECAUSE I WILL ALS9 MAKE SURE EVERY9NE THAT LIKES Y9U IS PURSUED F9R 6EING C9MPLICIT 9N Y9UR A6LEIST WAYS.There is n9 way any9ne w9uld like y9u with9ut agreeing with y9u, that is just imp9ssi6le. Every69dy kn9ws that the 9nly reas9n s9me9ne w9uld find y9u appealing and permit y9ur acti9ns is 6ecause they agree 100% all the time with y9u.#96jective 9pini9ns

I don’t care enough for this. I’m leaving.

YEAH YOU BETTER RUN.

And you are coming with me.

Wait what?

Aw shit.

AW SHIT. 

:)

Pard9n my language. 6ut aw shit indeed.  
#swearing #menaces #99c ic #circlejerk intensifies #the end


End file.
